I’m writing this article to briefly share why I wrote a book about porn addiction and why I understood that this kind of problem needs to be discussed and dealt with. I never thought of writing anything about this issue or addressing it, but my experience prompted me to go deeper into the topic and do something about it. Surely, there are people who have studied this problem more and have provided much more information about it. What I wrote, however, is based overall on what I have personally gone through with addictions.
I’ll tell you my story briefly. I struggled with addictions in my past, even if it was only for a few years. I know how it feels to be addicted to something. Since God reached me and I converted, I became clean and changed my life. I have never touched any substances since then—not even alcohol, nor anything I used to do before. I stayed away from those things for many years. This happened because the Gospel made me change my life and the perspective I had on it, and may God receive all the glory for that!
Still, one day I stumbled into porn. Many years had passed since the last time that had happened. Since it happened after my conversion, I knew it was sinful and not pleasing to God. Still, I didn’t fully understand the damage and consequences it could bring. It didn’t become a persistent habit in my life, but I have to confess that it was hard for me to overcome it, and occasionally I backslid. I never expected that to happen in my life after knowing so well what is right and wrong and knowing the truth of the Gospel. That’s why I began acknowledging the gravity of the issue.
I remember that when I was young, before I knew Christ, I used to watch pornographic images and movies. Back then, I never considered it a problem, because at the same time, my life was entangled with many other addictions. Today, when talking about this issue, I refer to it as a stumbling block into sin and a serious issue, because I know God considers it a sin, and I know the consequences it can bring to someone’s life. God says in His word that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). Still, one thing is seeing a beautiful woman and having desire in your heart, which is still sin, and another thing is seeing a sexual act in all its explicitness. Why? Because sexuality is something so intimate and profound that it is meant to be between a husband and a wife who already have intimacy between them. So, watching an actual sexual act is worse because it brings greater spiritual consequences to the person who views it.
Why did God address lust as a sin anyway? Because He knows how we are made and where we are most likely to stumble. We are not designed to experience sexual pleasure through watching pornography. He knows what harms us, and that’s why He forbids it. He knows that well, much better than anyone else, because He is our Creator. That’s why He also forbids certain things and considers them sins. Seeing it from this perspective and approach will help us see the Bible not just as a list of things we must not do and others we must do, but as a letter of love that seeks our ultimate well-being and fulfillment. To fully live out what the Bible says and to make the picture complete, we need Jesus in our lives, because it is not achievable by ourselves. Our nature is usually contrary to God’s way of life as He intended it to be. Still, it is the best way for us.
Why am I mentioning my previous issues with drugs in this article, which is apparently dealing with another topic?
Because when I stumbled into porn, I quickly began feeling the same addictive pull I had felt when engaging with drugs. Even though I eventually didn’t give in to it, as soon as I fell into it, something was pulling me to come back, and I felt the urge to consume it again. I noticed that the same pattern I had experienced with substance use had started to form in me, and I eventually had to cut it off as quickly as I could. There are many people who might disagree with this and say that they are actually in control and decide when to do it and when not. What I am telling you, though, comes from the perspective of a person who has experienced addiction firsthand and has worked most of my life as a volunteer in a rehab with people who struggle with addictions. Many people who use substances also tell you that they are in control and can decide when to do it and when not to, but this is just a self-deceptive pattern that keeps repeating itself, and they keep on doing it. Studies suggest that when a person watches porn, some of the same reward pathways in the brain can be activated as when a person uses addictive substances. This involves dopamine, a chemical connected with reward, motivation, and desire, which can make a person want to return to the same behavior again. Dopamine is naturally involved when we experience pleasure, achieve something, or receive a reward, and it is meant to work in that healthy way. But when it is constantly stimulated through harmful or addictive behaviors, it can begin to distort our desires and make us seek that thing again and again.
There was a time when I had heard of this kind of issue, and I knew it was a problem weighing on many people, but when I experienced it firsthand, even without getting deeper into it, I realized how wrong it is, and thanks God I didn’t get lost in it! This is because I know well what an addiction is. Still, I can tell you that even if you feel lost in it or any other type of addiction, there is hope for you. I’ve been where you are.
This is why I decided to write a book about this kind of addiction, called Healing and Recovering from Pornography. It is also because I felt an urgency to warn people about the danger and the consequences that porn addiction, as well as any other addiction, can bring to someone’s life. I first sought to analyze the issue in order to protect myself, and then also others.
There is a lot more to be said on the topic, but still, I believe this book covers some of the perspectives of this and most kinds of addictions, as addiction patterns are similar.
Many believers wouldn’t even open this topic or want to deal with it, and I have to confess that I felt a bit ashamed at first about what people would think seeing me write about that. I believe that nowadays this kind of issue is not properly addressed in many churches as it should be. It should be spoken about openly and out loud, and people should be warned about it immediately, before it goes out of control. We don’t want to neglect it or hide it. We don’t have to be perfect and blameless in order to address this issue.
I haven’t decided to write about it because I am perfect. Many times, we think for ourselves that to be able to address any sin, we need to be completely perfect, and that’s why we don’t do it, and we stay in silence. Perfection and sanctification are attitudes and aims that a believer must have, but they are never possible by who we are in ourselves. They are possible only by God’s strength. Perfection is not a permanent condition we experience as believers here in this life, but it is a path and an aim that we can walk toward with God. Even if not completely perfect, we want to voice out what we stand for and strive toward it. We, as believers, help each other along the way. Once one falls and the other helps him, then the other might fall in their place, and another will help them, because we all fall short in something.
Statistics say that around 78% of men and 44% of women report watching pornography. One of the largest adult websites in the world reports that it recorded 42 billion visits in 2019 alone. There are consequences amongst those who use it regularly, especially among the newest generation, which are: compulsive viewing, distorted expectations about relationships, emotional detachment, and difficulty forming healthy intimacy.
Having said all this, and considering how fragile we might be and how easily we can be tempted, I still have to say that we as believers cannot live in peace while having that issue in our lives. I don’t say this to condemn, I say it with the purpose of helping and warning people of its danger. We have to consider it as a sin and something we need to be aware of.
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